Dear COVID,
It has been a Hell of a Pandemic so far. I spent the entire time trusting myself, my oftentimes germa-phobic habits, and ultimately my immune system. I mean, why wouldn’t I? I am vaccinated and I haven’t been diagnosed with, nor felt a strong illness in almost a decade- and even then it was a random occurrence from a drastic change in altitudes. It only felt like the scourge of the earth for maybe a total of 2 days. I don’t even know if it was the flu, but it very well could have been, as I laid there on my cousin’s couch shivering in SoCal in full Michigan-style Spring sweats (with beanie) under a blanket in late April. I felt like I would die that first day, and by the second I was on the beach accompanied by my family and a gang of diarrhea. Nobody else got sick…
This past Tuesday I awoke to an eerily similar feeling to that California day when I was writhing in pain. In my weakness I did not immediately stop to think if it was COVID-related or not. I knew that I had been playing the field with my guard down, promoting my events heavily at bars, clubs, and other social functions, but I had been safe during the day at my jobs, always masked up. I mean, ever since I began my journey with straightening my teeth I have been insistent about washing my hands every time I touch my mouth, etc. Working with phones all day long has me in the habit of sanitizing and washing my hands dozens of times per day. Growing up in the household I did had me trained to wash my hands every time I open the refrigerator or any other space that provides sustenance to my health. There was no way I would catch COVID, right?
As I laid there feeling like Norman Osborn exposing the Goblin Disease to Harry, I thought, maybe this is finally it? Maybe this is what “it” feels like? Maybe THIS is COVID? At that moment I decided to go get a test. So much happened at the Urgent Care that I would need another story to explain it all… but long story short, my rapid test at the clinic came back negative. I was relieved to the point where my body actually felt better! I wanted to jump up and do the money dance, but then realized this was the only place I had ever been to that did not accept my insurance, so I was gonna be getting billed roughly $400 for a test I could have (and eventually did) administer at home. Talk about a monumental facepalm.
I took this information home and relaxed on it. When I woke up Wednesday my body felt great. All besides my normal sinus issues, which are almost constant now thanks to our Capitalist Pig overlords creating a constant state of seasonal weather confusion. Honestly I felt like I was right about my immune system being rock-solid. I was as amped as Dwayne Johnson when he’s late for work. I had a few natural days off work so I got back to my regularly scheduled Mr. Ken programming, which consists of waking up and studying, writing inspirational messages for those that follow my life, and being hopeful. Then Thursday hit.
I had a meeting with an organization that I switched to virtual for the benefit of the others involved. I took two at-home COVID swab kits so I could verify whether I was good for the weekend, as I had major plans. I was standing there on the phone with a friend of mine as she laughed at how they looked like pregnancy tests, and I laughed with her… then the first showed positive. I immediately went into denial: “This can’t be right. Must be a false positive.” I said as our conversation began to shift. I took the second test and it eventually came back positive as well.
That’s when it began to unravel. I instantly came to terms with the fact I can get sick, and my sickness doesn’t have to be violent for it to be present. It can be passive. I can be asymptomatic and still pass it to other people. I always knew it was possible, but what I had never paid attention to is that maybe I have been a carrier or host for other illnesses or variations of COVID, and didn’t realize because what doesn’t feel bad to me might wreck someone else.
Now as I write this to the tune of a third positive at-home test, my circumstances fully realized, I am thinking of all the people like me. Those who seem to have super-human immune systems, but fail to understand they may still carry a transmissible virus around with them during an incubation period. I am committed to a quarantine in this tiny apartment where I once began a life I have since left, only to be back here in the same living room I started my journey into my 30’s in. Talk about a life coming full-circle, but that story is also for another time. Until then…
Thanks Omicron,
Mr. Ken
